Muncaster is a place full of faeries. But don’t expect them to be too friendly. They are strange little creatures, who hang around in trees to hassle humans, who got to close. But mostly they like to keep to themselves, as long you don’t bother them.

Of course there is at least one ghost haunting Muncaster too. The White Lady roams the roads and tracks around the castle at night. But she has so far stayed away from Krankenhaus Festival. No sightings have been reported by anyone, as far as I know.

And then there is Gaddafi, the Castle cat, who is looking after the place in his own dictatorial way. The Pennington family, who owns and runs the castle, have lots of stories to tell about Gaddafi. But in case you meet the black chap in the garden, he might be quite cute. A cat is in the Pennington’s crest and on a weathervane at the Castle. Look out for it.

And there is a Devil’s Door in St Michael and All Saints church on the castle grounds. Its closed up now. A mysterious door on the north side of the small church. It is mentioned occasionaly in the visitor’s guide and was to be ‘openend in earlier times to help force the devil from the child’. A weird and scary explanation for a now bricked up door.

You can’t see the door from the inside. But outside it looks ominous, as if it was not that long ago closed. Inside though there are colourful felt flowers and a mysterious moss organ waiting to be played by anyone who dares. A curious collapsing of ages and sounds.

We did not find any faeries near the church. Though there is the owl display of Muncaster Castle nearby. But Krankenhaus Festival offers a Faerie Tale Soundscape. You leave the main road to walk among the huge trees of Muncaster and follow a narrow path. Left and right obscure chirping noises and drones escape from the thicket. Mushrooms grow red and brown among the tree roots. If you look carefully, you see some bark move. Or a yellow shrivelled leaf just suddenly swishing into the undergrowth. More obscure luring sounds spring up ahead, where the ghost of a path leads into unknown pasts beyond the here and now…

But suddenly a dog barks on the nearby main road, and the enchanting lifts like a butterfly, turns into a big moth and escapes into deeper greenery of Muncaster Gardens.

Delighted by our narrow escape from the entangling of dubious faeries, we walk back to the festival grounds. Time for a pint of tasty SQRL at the Gan Yam Bar. The crafted brewers from Kendal offer a wide variety of local beers. And between the barrage of barrels behind the bar there is sudden rushing of some small apparition as it escapes into the splashes of another shower from the heavens. In its tiny branchy three fingered hands it clutches a small thimble of goodness from the bar unbeknowst to the staff. Even though Los Pepes are trashing away on stage, you can hear a high pitched giggle, as it disappears into one of the amps of the punk rock outfit. And only a few minutes later smoke rises on stage, as an amp burns, while Los Pepes batter through another crescendo of punk rock finesse.

Once you have seen a faerie, you catch one all of the time in the corner of your eye. They climb along the rigging in the barn, swing from stage lights and cut loose a festival banner outside, while everybody looks like magic somewhere else. So Simon the festival’s tireless handyman fetch his ladder to fix the banner once more, while two faeries cheer him on from the rafters and laugh wildly.

Faeries in abundance dance around the stage, when Pictish Trail and his formidable band bash out their weird Bronski Beat fueled rock goodness. Entangled in slime the singer from the Isle of Eigg runs around the audience. Little green and yellow glittering fireflies delight in the Scottish slime trail, wind the spongy strands around noses and ears of the audience and jump bickering from wooly hats to heads. Before Pictish Trail reaches the stage again, all those unknown otherworldly festival attendees have disappeared into thin air again.

So magic is all around at Krankenhaus Festival. Music and sounds are everywhere, and even the Faeries sometimes can’t resist. They get overwhelmed themselves, gliding around the trees, when Isa Gordon delivers electronic gaelic vibes and sings folky tunes, enchanting people and Faeries of Muncaster alike. Strange leaves cycle in loops over the Glade, when Isa Gordon raises her resonant voice. The trees themselves listen in and faeries glitter secretly in the stage lights.

After dark lights flash up in the trees around Muncaster Castle. Colourful alien glimmers and glitter split rain soaked darkness into particles of light. Ambient sounds and deep earthy beats scatter around reflections of leaves and branches. Little dusk creatures dance drunken through scattered laser beams, mists rising from moist Castle grounds. Elements and sounds blend into each other and mix with chatter and echoing voices along the paths.

Beats break the night until the early hours. Merry dancers and drunks rejoice in sounds and noise. Clocks stand still under weird constellations of moon and stars. It’s Krankenhaus time. Uncharted terrority opening up. And while a thin line between night and day crosses the Castle Grounds, the Devil’s Door opens up again. Faeries dance and shout around the old churchyard. Bats and owls echo all that Krankenhaus sound, and the gates of Muncaster unhinge for precious moments. Hearts skip a beat, and nothing’s safe for just a second. The fells tilt, the sea rushes over the hills. From the barn roar last power chords and the crowd howls for more.

So much sound echoing around hearts and minds. Through the Devil’s Door of Muncaster you can see glimpses of foreign stars. The outside rushes in, and what was lost is found. In the barn Sea Power’s crescendo reaches its peak. Bears dance in the crowd and even the White Lady of Muncaster is seen among the revellers, waving and laughing like a child.

Down in Ravenglass all the lights flicker and the waves break foaming in the estuary. The Drigg Dunes are gleaming and glittering. Unseen creatures rise from the deep of the Irish Sea. Krankenhaus tide is in. A rare season of crashing realities.

Later when the morning rises over last night’s turmoil, strange lines in the sands tell of what was never to be known. The Devil’s Door has been corrupted. Ambiguous textures tell of so many possible futures. And they are all alive and resonating in the sounds of Krankenhaus.

The Faeries of Muncaster sleep late this morning, the sea rushes in and out. Nothing is still to be done. It was all a joke. Ask the Faeries of Muncaster, if you don’t believe it happened…